


Good Moral Character

by ordinaryorbit



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-25 06:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21351397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ordinaryorbit/pseuds/ordinaryorbit
Summary: Rafael reconnects with Carisi.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 93





	1. Chapter 1

Rafael heard it rather than saw it. That was because he was focused on wiping down the counter of the bar, and so wasn't watching the television mounted on the wall. But he would've recognized that distinctive Staten Island accent anywhere.  
  
". . . the DA's office is pleased by today's indictment, and we intend to present a robust prosecution to ensure that this heinous crime does not go unpunished. . ."  
  
Rafael's head snapped up to the TV screen, but the news program had already switched back from an on-location shot to an anchor in the studio. "And that was ADA Dominick Carisi speaking at the press conference today. We will make sure to provide you with any updates on this trial as they become available."  
  
Well fuck. He'd finally done it - the once awkward and annoying detective had become an ADA. Rafael couldn't help feeling a sort of pride in Carisi's accomplishment. A pride which he almost immediately chided himself for. How could he take any credit when he had spent the past two years avoiding Carisi's texts and calls?  
  
His self-flagellation was cut short by a patron waving to catch his attention.   
  
"Sweetheart, can I get myself another gin and tonic?" the woman asked in a saccharine voice.  
  
Sweetheart. He wanted to scowl every time a customer tried to flirt with him. It usually resulted in a larger than usual tip, but the money felt somehow dirty.   
  
He couldn't help giving a flippant reply. "No ma'am, you cannot get yourself another gin and tonic. I can get one for you though, if that's what you really meant to ask. I suggest you word your questions more precisely in future."  
  
The woman balked a bit, then gave a huff before gathering her purse and heading for the door. God, his mouth was really going to get him fired one of these days.   
  
At least with the customer gone, Rafael could turn his thoughts back to Carisi. There was something almost comforting in the knowledge that the detective had ascended to the DA's office.   
  
For some reason Rafael didn't feel replaced by Carisi the way he had by Stone. Probably because Carisi had earned the position through years of dogged striving.   
  
There was also the fact that Rafael and Carisi had once been close. A little too close. But it was better not to dwell on it, that ill-advised late-night kiss that had never been repeated.  
  
Before he could think better of it, Rafael got out his phone and shot off a quick text message.  
  
_Congratulations Counselor. I saw you on tv just now_  
  
Would Carisi respond? Maybe he was too pissed at Rafael for ignoring him for two years. Or maybe he was too busy to check his phone, out celebrating with his new colleagues at the DA's office.  
  
Rafael needn't have worried. The response came less than a minute later.  
  
_Thanks! I'm so glad to hear from you Barba. I was starting to get worried about you_  
  
Rafael stared at his phone, uncertain how to reply to the sentiment of concern. Because what could he say, really? _I'm fine, just aggressively avoiding contact with everyone I know._ Or maybe: _All's good, they took my law license away for killing a baby so I'm a surly bartender now._

Apparently he had waited too long ruminating on a response, because Carisi was typing again.  
  
_Can we meet to catch up? I feel like if I don't take the opportunity now you're gonna ghost me again._  
  
Rafael's thumbs hovered over his phone as he considered his options. It seemed too late to back out of this whole interaction with Carisi. He could propose meeting up on some vague future date, a way to politely kick the can further down the road. Or he could continue with his apparent recklessness and ask Carisi to join him now.  
  
Rafael had come to find that being behind the bar offered him a measure of control. Like the courtroom, it was his domain, and one which he could use to theatrical effect. For example, leaning over the counter while lending an ear. Mixing drinks with (feigned) precision. Or strutting with confidence as he walked from one end to the other.  
  
Yes, it was better to do this meet-up from behind the safety of the bar. Rafael was already working from a disadvantage - no reasonable explanation for cutting Carisi out of his life; lingering shame over his actions; flight from his profession. He might at least be in his new element.  
  
_Do you know Fiori's?_  
  
_Yeah I think so, it's that place that's like Forlini's, but fancier._  
  
_That's the one. I'm here, so stop by later if you're free._  
  
_Be there in thirty._  
  
Overeager as always. Some things never changed. Even though it was immaculate, Rafael wiped the counter down again as he waited.  
  
Half an hour later on the dot Carisi came in the door. He scanned the room for Rafael, presumably expecting him to be in one of the booths or seated at the bar. Maybe Rafael should have explained more by text. But it was too late for that now.  
  
Carisi settled himself at one end of the bar and began fiddling with his phone. Rafael observed him for a moment before heading over. The detective was grayer now, but he still had that same boyish uncertainty to him.  
  
"Counselor, what can I get you? It's on the house."  
  
Carisi looked up in surprise, then his eyes crinkled in joyful recognition.  
  
"Barba, I wasn't expecting you to be back there. It's so good to see you."  
  
He got up to give Rafael an awkward half-hug, the counter between them impeding anything more heartfelt.  
  
"You too Carisi. I'm serious about your drink being on the house. Let me know what you want."  
  
"I'll just take a beer, whatever's on tap. Thanks."  
  
"No problem."  
  
Rafael poured the beer in silence. He was the one who had reached out, and yet now that the former detective was here he didn't know what to say. As he slid the glass over to Carisi, their fingers brushed slightly.  
  
"It's been awhile," Carisi said finally.   
  
"I know," Rafael replied, the _I'm sorry_ sticking in his throat.  
  
Carisi looked down at his glass. "When you um, when you didn't respond to my texts I tried looking you up online, to see if you were working for a firm in the city. I wondered why I couldn't find you, but I guess it's 'cos you moved on to something different."  
  
"Yes well, the licensing board revoked my law license after my trial."  
  
A shadow passed over Carisi's face at the news. He looked like he was ready to fight whoever had made the decision.  
  
"How could they do that when you were acquitted?"  
  
"My admission in court was sufficient to disbar me under the good moral character requirement."  
  
"That's bullshit. You have the most moral character of just about anyone I know."  
  
Rafael shrugged, uneasy to accept the affirmation. He rearranged some of the glasses on the counter in front of them, even though they were fine where they were.  
  
"I could have appealed the board's decision, but I decided it would be good to take a break from the legal world for awhile."  
  
Before Carisi could offer his condolences and turn it into a pity party, Rafael changed the subject.  
  
"But how are things with you? I'm impressed you made it to the DA's office, though not surprised."  
  
Carisi grinned at the compliment, still as eager for praise as ever. Then his smile faltered a bit. "Well in one sense it's a dream come true. In another, I feel stuck in some sort of middle ground between the squad and the DA's office. Like both want a piece of me and neither quite trusts me."  
  
Rafael nodded. It was his sympathetic bartender nod, but this time he meant it. "I can see how that would be difficult." 

He couldn't resist following up with a little jab, for old time's sake. "Now that you're the ADA, it also must be difficult for you not to have someone to pester all the time. Or do you just ask yourself all the inane questions you used to ask me?"  
  
Carisi laughed at that, obviously pleased by the tease. "Yeah every morning I stand in front of my mirror and ask myself questions about case law."  
  
"I hope to God you're joking, Carisi, because that would just be sad."  
  
"I am but . . . in all seriousness, I did used to practice your summations in front of my mirror."  
  
Now it was Rafael's turn to chuckle. "Please don't go around telling other people that, Carisi."  
  
Just then Tina, the manager, passed behind Rafael and slid a napkin in front of him. On it was scribbled, _He's cute! Love him for you. But remember this is not social hour_  
  
Rafael quickly crumpled the napkin before Carisi could read it. He shot Tina a glare, which she returned with a knowing smile. Honestly, there was something a bit galling about a co-worker twenty years his junior scolding him while simultaneously trying to act like his wingman.  
  
"Apparently I'm being directed to focus on my work."  
  
"I don't want to keep you from your job, Couns- ." Carisi stopped mid-word, old habits dying hard as he almost called Rafael by his former honorific. He blushed red at his faux pas. "I'm sorry Barba."  
  
"Don't worry about it."  
  
Carisi's phone started buzzing on the countertop. "I'm being summoned back to work as well. Developments in the case. I should get going."  
  
"Right. Well it was good to see you, Carisi." It had been all too brief, not enough time for all the things still left unsaid.  
  
"You too, Barba."  
  
Carisi made it halfway to the door before he turned and came back.  
  
"Hey, are you free tomorrow? We could finish catching up."  
  
"I am. Text me and we'll figure something out. Now get back to work, Counselor."


	2. Chapter 2

Carisi was already at the coffee shop when Rafael arrived, sipping his drink in an overstuffed armchair near the window.  
  
"Hey Barba," he said as Rafael took off his raincoat. "I got here a bit early so thought I'd grab us a spot - is this ok?"  
  
"Perfect. I'm just going to get some coffee."  
  
Standing in line, Rafael felt a bit antsy. He and Carisi were undoubtedly going to have a longer conversation today, with two years of silence to catch up on. He ordered a scone with his latte for fortitude, and then threw in a cinnamon roll for Carisi.  
  
"I know that this used to be your favorite pastry," Rafael said as he placed the cinnamon roll down on the table. A lot of things could change in two years.  
  
"It still is. I'm still the same old Carisi, in all respects."   
  
Carisi indicated his weekend casual hoodie and jeans, similar to how he had always dressed. But there were some changes. He had brought his laptop with him, for one. And he kept checking his phone for any messages, just as Rafael used to do.  
  
"Same old Carisi except for the new job. How was your work emergency last night?"  
  
"We had another witness come forward, which will help our case. I um, I didn't tell anyone from SVU that I saw you last night. As far as I can tell it's been radio silence from you with everyone, so I didn't think it was my place to put you out there."  
  
"Thanks. I didn't plan to disconnect from you all for so long. But with what I did, and the upheaval in my life, it just seemed easier to cut off communication."   
  
Solitude had seemed preferable to dealing with any of potential reactions that his friends and colleagues might have thrust upon him. Disgust, worry, forgiveness, compassion, sympathy, pity - all things that he could not handle.  
  
"I get it," Carisi said, though it was surely impossible for him to really get what Rafael meant. "Though I wish you had felt comfortable letting me in. I mean, we were close once."   
  
Carisi's characterization echoed Rafael's own thoughts the night before. There was a hint of accusation to it, as if Rafael were culpable for the dissolution of their relationship.   
  
And Rafael certainly accepted responsibility for the past two years. But it was a bit unfair to place all the blame at his feet.  
  
"Yes, but we stopped being close long before I left," he said, to set the record straight. Carisi knew exactly when things had started changing between them.  
  
One moment they had been slumped next to each other on the couch in Rafael's office, near delirious from a late night combing through evidence. The next they had been kissing, wet and open-mouthed.  
  
"That was because you made it very clear there could be nothing personal between us, Barba. You made it clear you didn't want a repeat of that kiss."  
  
"No, what I made clear was that our professional roles forbade any sort of intimate relationship between us. It was nothing against you, Carisi - it was a bright-line ethical rule. You were the one who took it personally."  
  
After that night Carisi had become moody and argumentative with him. Rafael was not one to tolerate such antics. So he had distanced himself from Carisi and tamped down the teasing insults that he so loved to lob at the detective.   
  
"And for the record, Carisi, I never said I didn't _want_ a repeat of that kiss. What I said was that there couldn't _be_ a repeat."  
  
God how Rafael had wanted a repeat. The kiss had felt like coming home: warm, comforting, and familiar. It also made him hard. He had had to refrain from pressing himself against Carisi's thigh.  
  
"God I acted like an idiot," Carisi said, shaking his head into his coffee mug at the thought. "I'm sorry. I think I was upset that you could be so rational about it when all I wanted to do was run with my feelings."  
  
Rafael sighed. "Maybe I was a bit too rational. I was focused on self-preservation above all else. Which is ironic, given that in the end I had no self-preservation whatsoever."  
  
"I'm sorry Barba, I didn't mean for this catch-up to turn into rehashing things from the past."  
  
"Me neither."  
  
Carisi polished off the rest of his cinnamon roll.  
  
"Let's reset then. What have you been up to since you left the DA's office?"  
  
"I traveled for the first few months. London, Barcelona, Buenos Aires."  
  
He had needed to get out of New York. And why not take advantage of his unexpectedly wide-open schedule.  
  
"Wow that sounds amazing. You've gotta show me your photos sometime." Carisi was practically beaming with second-hand excitement at Rafael's travels. Rafael had forgotten how the man had the uncanny ability to produce joy like that.  
  
"Yeah I'm sure I have some photos somewhere. I'm happy to show you."  
  
"Awesome. You have any more travels planned?"  
  
"Not for the foreseeable future. I was hemorrhaging my savings, so I decided I needed to stop jetsetting and start earning some money again."  
  
"Thus the bartending?"  
  
"Well first I briefly tried waiting tables at a high end restaurant, but it was a disaster. I kept dropping dishes. And I talked back to the diners whenever they were rude."  
  
Carisi grinned at that. "I can totally see you being a mouthy waiter. But doesn't the same thing happen as a bartender?"  
  
Rafael shrugged. "People tend to assume that the bartender will have an attitude, so I can get away with a bit more."  
  
"That's good 'cos you wouldn't be you without some attitude. Do you think you'll stick with your current job then?" Rafael's mother had asked the same question last week, but with a current of judgment laced through it. He had responded by hanging up on her.  
  
"For the time being, but not forever. I really don't have the people skills for it. Plus, I miss . . ." Rafael trailed off.  
  
"You miss the law?" Carisi prompted.  
  
Rafael looked down at the remnants of his scone, wishing that he had more food left so that he could stare at it rather than at Carisi. Also it was a damn good scone.  
  
"I have a completed application to NYU Law sitting on the desktop of my computer," he said finally, looking up. It was the first time he had mentioned it to anyone. He hadn't even told his mother. She would just nag him daily until he submitted the application.  
  
Carisi's eyes widened in a sort of excitement, but he managed to show some restraint. "What's the application for?"  
  
"Lecturer in the practice and ethics of criminal law. No law license required."  
  
"That sounds right up your alley. Though if you haven't gone through with the application yet, you must have some reservations."  
  
Though no longer a detective, Carisi had clearly retained his skills of perception, getting to the heart of the matter right away.  
  
"I guess I do have reservations," Rafael said quietly. He paused a moment to figure out how to put it.   
  
"How can I be responsible for teaching students the ethics of the profession, when I took a decision to act outside the judicial system?"  
  
It was the reason he hadn't been able to bring himself to upload his application materials yet. That nagging worry that he wouldn't be fit for the job.  
  
Carisi shook his head. "Are you kidding me Barba - you would make a great professor."  
  
"I'm not so sure about that, and I don't see how you can be sure either." Rafael heard the sourness to his voice. Carisi must have noticed it too, because he deftly changed the topic.  
  
"Hey, do you want to hear about my misadventures so far as an ADA? Last week, I objected to the defense counsel's opening argument."  
  
Rafael let out a full-bodied laugh. "You're not supposed to object during opening statements."  
  
"Yeah I know." Carisi was turning a bright shade of pink, starting at his neck and working its way up. "I'd had about four cups of coffee that morning, and I was so wired once I got to court that I objected right out out of the gate."  
  
"Ok, first lesson is that four cups of coffee before court is too many. Two is the sweet spot - enough to keep you alert, but not enough to make you trigger-happy with your objections. Plus, any more and you run the risk of having to go to the bathroom in the middle of your direct exam."  
  
"Man I wish I'd gotten this advice sooner. I spent the whole second half of that hearing trying to ignore the fact that I had to pee."  
  
In Carisi, Rafael could see reflected his own nerves and excitement during his first days practicing law. It was that nebulous time when everything seemed possible and yet failure seemed inevitable.  
  
"A lot of this knowledge just comes with experience. Over time you'll start to figure out what does and doesn't work for you in the courtroom."  
  
Carisi nodded, but he looked unconvinced. "I guess so. Though honestly it's more the judgment calls outside the courtroom that are stressing me out."  
  
"Like what?" Rafael leaned forward expectantly. Whatever Carisi was going through, it would probably help to talk it out.  
  
"For example, the other day the squad obtained evidence from a warrantless search. We got a warrant later on, but we didn't have it at the time they first searched the home."  
  
"Let me guess," Rafael said, "they want you to use the evidence anyway."  
  
"Yeah they want me to just go into court and let everyone assume we found the evidence after the warrant was issued. Can you believe it?"  
  
Rafael grinned at Carisi's indignation. "Feels different being on the other side of a detective-ADA argument, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yeah," Carisi said, shaking his head. "Now everything seems more complicated."  
  
"Let's walk through it. Your SVU colleagues seem to be making the argument that as long as you don't affirmatively lie, there is no issue with letting the judge and your opposing counsel think that the evidence was obtained as a result of the warrant. How does that actually comport with your responsibilities to the court?"  
  
"Well as an officer of the court I have a duty of honesty. I think that means I can't mislead the court, even implicitly."  
  
"Good. Next question: leaving ethical considerations aside, practically speaking do you think it would be fruitful to let the court be misled?"  
  
Carisi fiddled with his napkin as he thought about it.   
  
"No," he said finally, and resolutely. "It wouldn't work. Especially because we're in front of Judge Jenkins. She's a stickler for procedure, so even if I don't bring it up she's gonna ask all about admissibility of the evidence."  
  
"I think you've found your answer, Counselor."  
  
Rafael sat back with a sense of satisfaction. This was good, to be able to help Carisi deal with his insecurities about being a lawyer.  
  
"You have good reasoning," he said, "so I don't think you have anything to worry about."  
  
"Neither do you," Carisi replied.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Well, I think you just proved that your concerns about teaching are misplaced. You helped me navigate that ethical issue like a pro."  
  
Rafael sputtered on his coffee.   
  
"Carisi, was your whole 'woe is me I need advice' routine just some scheme to boost my self-esteem? Which by the way needs no boosting." Rafael never let himself be manipulated like that, even if it was well-intentioned.  
  
"Well everything I said about my quandaries at work was true - I just used it to help make a point," Carisi said with a grin that showed he was quite satisfied with himself.   
  
He had certainly become more cunning since joining the DA's office. Or maybe he had always been that way, but Rafael had never fully realized it until now. Either way, it was the most delicious type of impertinence.  
  
"Don't think you're going to get away with trying to handle me like that, Counselor," Rafael teased, with just a bit of heat behind it.  
  
_Ping!_ "Oh, saved by the bell," Carisi joked, pointing to his phone, which had just lit up with a notification. He frowned a bit as he looked at it. "Actually, can you give me a minute, Barba? I have to answer this email from my opposing counsel."  
  
"Of course."  
  
Rafael looked out the window at the rainy street while Carisi composed his email. For a moment he could imagine himself spending a similarly overcast Saturday sitting here grading papers. He would be a firm grader - no easy A's, and no coddling. But he would give constructive feedback and push his students to be critical thinkers.  
  
In Rafael's fantasy, Carisi was across from him, as he was now, doing some work on his laptop. Every once in a while Carisi would ask his opinion about his opening argument. Rafael would act bothered at the interruption but would secretly be pleased. In turn, he would read Carisi excerpts from the best student essays.  
  
It would be nice. And there were no longer any ethical impediments standing in the way. The only question was whether Carisi's feelings had endured.  
  
"Sorry about that," Carisi said, looking up from his phone.   
  
"Don't worry about it. This job is all-consuming. I would be more concerned if you weren't responding to your emails right away."  
  
"That's what makes you the best mentor - you really get it."  
  
"Don't call me your mentor," Rafael chastised.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because it's kind of skeevy for your mentor to ask you out to dinner. Less so if it's your former professional colleague."

Carisi raised an eyebrow, his expression unreadable.

"Ah. I see. We can be former professional colleagues, then."  
  
"Good. But you haven't answered my question," Rafael said. The fact that Carisi hadn't given a response yet was starting to make him nervous.   
  
"You haven't actually asked the question yet, so I can't really answer it."  
  
"Such a lawyer," Rafael muttered. "Fine. Carisi, will you go out to dinner with me next week?"  
  
"I'd love to."  
  
That evening, Rafael sat curled up on the sofa, computer on his lap. He was staring at the NYU Law jobs application portal.   
  
There were about a dozen other tabs open, all menus of restaurants where he was considering taking Carisi. The menus were also a good excuse not to focus on the NYU website. But no more equivocating. Rafael took a deep breath, and then he clicked twice.  
  
_Upload_  
  
_Submit_  
  



End file.
